Last two years I hit the lowest point in my life, but it always helped me to grow beyond my imagination. I tried for an arranged marriage, but most of the guys turned me down for being not fashionable enough, dark-skinned, and fat. My parents felt ashamed of me too. They looked down and requested the ghotok by saying that my daughter is dark-skinned to inform them accordingly. Back I was studying for my Master’s, affording it on my own with my full-time job and freelancing as with my job alone I could not afford the fees for my tuition. I felt devastated and shattered for being treated like this. I have lost weight, and I did within 8 months I lost 18kg. But never thought about the aftermath.

I lost weight, not for myself, but did it to stop hearing all the nagging. The way I got treated by the guys, the extra attention leads me to severe depression, I could not fall asleep or function like a regular human being. My friend suggested me to visit a Psychiatrist, and I did.

Medication and therapy helped me a lot. Within that year I got over from my depression with the help of my peers and well-wishers. While suffering from my depression, I also completed an extensive project successfully.

I joined as an associate at WSIF.

Helping others helped me to deal with my own mental illness easily. Later, at the end of the year, I got to know I suffer from a borderline personality disorder; I felt devastated but finally understood myself. Dealing with my depression and personality disorder, I got a superb job too. The job I have been looking for. It’s true I struggled a lot, I still do, but it didn’t stop me.

My mental illness made me love myself more, feel special. I don’t mind differing from others. Some days are tiring. My mental illness helped me to see a whole other world that I have never imagined seeing. Don’t worry if you suffer from mental illness, it’s ok to be different. It won’t stop you from achieving your goal.

By: Kulsum Siddique