**Sharing the journey of one of our fellow sister. She went through a phase of Depression and overcame it strongly***Today I’m gonna share my very personal journey through depression. I have a massive inferiorly complex so I’m just gonna clear myself at first that, there were no major accident or trauma happened to trigger me in to depression at the first place. But, that’s the thing about it, you never know how slowly you can sink into that,you never realize how slowly things triggers you. If I look back about less than two years back, I can see myself,a girl who has never been out of her hometown to live on her own. I always thought living on your own with a job of your dream will slowly direct you to your bigger goals,everything will fall into places accordingly. …but no.I was wrong,to achieve those,you got to make yourself work for it very hard. Achieving just one goal never ensure all the others. I was doing well for a time and then somehow I slowly fell into the depth of sadness and insecurity for the future ahead.Mostly because nothing fruitful was happening, every attempt of achieving something was failing, one after another. I didn’t know what to do,how to solve things.There were so many little things that acted as catalysts and I wasn’t smart enough to recognise any one of them before it was too late. I became anxious, afraid,lazy,physically sick.I weight reduced from 52 to 45!! There were times when I used to come back at home after a long day,take a shower and then just lie on my bed looking at the ceiling.I prayed for death, lot.More than you can imagine.Used to cry at my room every night. I did literally nothing productive for more than a year. I tried to,but I really couldn’t get myself to complete anything.Nothing mattered,everything used to seem so meaningless to me. I merely existed only.I couldn’t even share anything woth anyone because everything was “apparently” fine with my life to others.So many nights I died in my room in the dark and nobody was there to notice. By the time I disrupted a lot of things, I disappointed my family,my friends even. I became isolated, thought nobody tries to understand how bad I feel about disappointing them. But the problem doesn’t lie there. I went to therapy even just so that I can talk to someone, pour my heart out.I took a session twice, it didn’t work though. Then slowly I tried to pick myself up,very slowly. I tried to do little things for myself,and for me only. Finally I’m somewhat in a better place Alhamdulillah. It took time but I got there, I’m still trying to make it better.Better enough to write about it. So what can you do to pick yourself up from the depth of darkness?

1. Take time.Nothing sorts things out but time. Time reveals people, situation. It basically force you to face you to the mess you made over time. And that is the sole reason for a betterment. It’s the start of your journey.

2. Take some time off from people.It’s very important to point out the toxic peole around you Even your best friend can act as a toxic catalyst in these situation. They can say things,force you to be better without being able to see how you actually feel. Remember they are not bad people, they want what’s best for you.But if it somehow drains your energy, take some time off from them.Share less about you,just maintain a minimum distance if it helps.It still hurts thinking how people can be so insensitive.And literally cut off the other a-holes from your life.

3. Exercise. Yes,exercise helps A LOT than you can even imagine. Study suggested that when you exercise, make your body workout, it triggers the same exact spot of your brain that release serotonin, oxytocin and other. They help you calming down, it makes you sleep a little better, nakes you focused.

4. Do not hurry. Do not encourage bad habits.Bad habit can be literally anything, relative from person to person. It can be being angry all the time, obsessive drinking of beverage, engaging in meaningless communication, excess use of social media,literally anything. If you see yourself drowning into any one of them, dont panick. Slowly recognise it’s adverse effect on you in the future, once you able to see it, your brain will help you come out of it. For me,it was endless scrolling in social media and shitposting. I used to scroll miles and miles and at the end it only made me more exhausted.

5. Do things that you enjoy. For me,it was music. Music is the only thing that never let me travel through things alone. But be careful about depressing lyrics, melancholy movies and stuff. They might sound silly,but it does have a HUGE effect on those you take words,scenarios to their heart.

6.Keep your best people close,people you feel safe with. Open up to them. Tell them how you feel.Spend time with them,try to make the effort. I remember one night, I was talking to my Apu, I told her, Apu,I just lie down and keep looking at the ceiling, wait for passing out to sleep. She said, “it’ll pass”. It did,that reassurance from her,from a very few friends gave me courage, gave me hope.So keep your best peope close.

7. Pray. If you’re a believer, then you can try praying to your respective Almighty. It helps,at least there’s someone above who will listen, who knows,who sees. It helps a lot.

I never thought I would be able to acknowledge the jounery to myself,but here I am. If this post helps anyone,even a little bit I would be grateful. I made myself isolated from a lot of people and friends. People who tried to help,be there.I couldn’t acknowledge them,didn’t think I deserve such love and care. But things are better and I’m there to see it. This post is also an apology to Koly Apu as well, you didn’t even know me well enough,and still believed in me to trust me with responsibility of WSIF and I let you down. I couldn’t continue,fell into such remorse I couldn’t even bring myself to make things clear. I can only hope you can understand..These are the only few things that I learned and did. Initially I tried all those conventional things like engaging into new things, didn’t think about it much,let things flow…. but I wasn’t ready.It wasn’t the time for me. I needed time and I didn’t even know it.I still have days when I can’t get myself to do anything, little things like taking a shower,have a nicely cooked meal for myself,have time when everything feels meaningless and I want to “not-exist” at all,yet,it’s much less nowadays.But somehow,slowly over time, little things I did made a huge impact, it made me feel okay,it made me feel less anxious, it made me accept myself,my choices.It made me brave.Alhamdulillah. If you are going through the same thing, I hope you get through this, be there when things get better for you. I hope you to be brave enough to pick yourself up and let your face kissed by the morning sunshine, I hope you find enough love for your life to carry on…